


Lethargy

by donnarafiki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depressed Draco Malfoy, Depression, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 18:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13196043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnarafiki/pseuds/donnarafiki
Summary: When things get too much, too heavy, Draco retreats. But this time he isn't left to his own devices.In which Harry joins a team of students who help their peers who struggle with mental health issues.





	Lethargy

**Author's Note:**

> graphic description of depression so if that triggers you don't read it

In general Draco was doing much better now than at the start of eight year. He engaged more, he talked more, he ate more and somehow he’d even managed to struck up a friendship with Harry Potter out of all people.

But that didn’t mean everything was made out sunshine and roses. His depression, form which he’d suffered since the beginning of sixth year, still showed itself in many ways. Like now, when it manifested itself as a feeling of complete emptiness. Lethargy. A state in which breathing, or thinking, was too big a challenge.

The feeling had come over him within a matter of minutes, had caught his off guard during dinner in the great hall. When he realised, with a dull feeling of panic and regret, what was happening, he excused himself and left the table. The idea of people trying to cheer him up at moments like these made him feel like vomiting.

Sometimes he actually did vomit.

The crushing nothingness only increased as he made his way to his favorite hiding spot. In was a supply closet in an abandoned classroom, that contained a small spiral staircase leading several floors down. Once at the bottom, there was a window overlooking the lake of Hogwarts.

It was a spot where mere people did not come, there were only fish, crustaceans and the gentle wave of kelp woods. Draco found it to be very calming to watch the life outside the window go on, despite the fact that he himself felt like life _couldn’t_ go on. Not for him at least.

Sometimes he sketched the fish, when his episode decreased in severity.

But today was not a day like that, because today, even after several hours spend looking out the window, he still felt that dull panic. The fear that this feeling wouldn’t lift. A fear strong enough to penetrate through the grey mist of guilt, expectations, deadlines and sorrow.

He felt useless, sitting there, quite incapable of anything but breathing, and even that was laboured. He’d grown so numb, that he didn’t even look up, or did anything at all when footsteps descended the narrow iron staircase. He just sat there, and did nothing.

“There you are.” Harry, of course Harry, who else could it be?, took the last steps down and crouched next to Draco, who was hugging his knees in the corner of the room. He shivered from the cold of the walls seeping into his clothes, but casting anything, especially something as complicated as a warming charm, wasn’t possible during times of depression. “No one could find you, Pansy is out of her mind with worry.”

Draco didn’t respond, and when Harry noticed he was shivering and draped his own cloak around his thin shoulders, he still did nothing. He just sat there, waiting for time to come and put the colour back into his life.

Or to take it away, he didn’t care either way.

“I’m not going to ask you if you’re alright. I can see that you’re not.” Harry sat down next to him and followed the direction of his eyes to the window in the wall. “Is there anything I can do to make it better? Easier?”

To this, Draco responded with a slight shake of his head. No, there was nothing. Or at least if there was something that would help, he didn’t know about it.

“I’m not leaving you here.” Harry got to his feet again, and with lots of encouragement and pulling he managed to get Draco to stand up to. “Staying here isn’t going to help you in any way. Come on, let’s go.”

Slowly, Harry managed to get Draco up the stairs again. After that Harry did not, as Draco had vaguely expected him to do, take him to his dorm, or to Pansy. Instead they soon made their way to the hospital wing, where Pomfrey was waiting for them with a kinder expression on her face than Draco had ever seen before. Not that he really registered it, he was too out of it for that.

“Draco, there you are.” She nodded at Harry with a kind smile and took the role of guiding Draco over from him. The use of his first name surprised him, and he was slightly more cooperative as Pomfrey told him what he was going to do next.

A potion, a shower, some breathing exercises, a meal if he could stomach it, and a bed in a special room in the hospital wing. According to the nurse the room had been filled with plants picked out by professor Sprout and Neville. They were meant to calm the mind and enhance a good night sleep.

Draco nodded through the whole explanation, hoping that he wasn’t supposed to remember all of it. He downed the potion, and stepped under the shower as instructed. The water made the pressure around his chest more bearable, but it didn’t vanish it as by miracle. The same went up for the exercises and the meal, which he barely ate.

The room, however, being there did help somewhat more than expected. But what helped most, was Harry joining him as he sat on top of the bed covers. He hadn’t felt the need to get under the covers just yet.

“It didn’t magically resolve everything, now did it?” Harry asked, though Draco could tell by his tone of voice that the man already knew the answer. “I was rather disappointed by that when Neville brought me here. But it gets better, as time goes on. There are bad days, but they’ll get fewer and more bearable as you keep on fighting for it.”

Draco looked up to find Harry looking at him intently, and when Harry grabbed his hands he was barely surprised. “Promise me Draco. Promise me that you’ll keep on fighting for it.”

Draco nodded solemnly, feeling strengthened by the knowledge that he wasn’t alone. That other people, that _Harry_ , was going through it as well, and that he was there with him.

“You can always come back here when you feel bad, or when you feel less than hundred percent. The bar for coming here is very low.” Harry squeezed in his hands. “You are only one word away from getting our help.”

Draco felt the ghost of a smile fly over his face despite everything, and he suddenly found himself leaning forward and putting his arms around Harry. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t feel like he had to. Harry had been here too. He understood.

“I’ll be here when you wake up, make sure your breakfast and classes and everything else gets sorted.” Harry told him as he rubbed slow circles on his back. “You don’t have to worry about anything now. Just keep on fighting, and we’ll do the rest.”

Harry stopped with the circles for a moment and just squeezed Draco’s ribcage, putting pressure on his chest in the best of ways. “You’re going to be okay Draco, I promise.”

And for the first time, Draco actually felt like he might believe Harry.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I was in a very bad place when I wrote this, and I still am though I'm doing a bit better. Sometimes days just are like that. 
> 
> Thank you for reading<3


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